Growth and Anxiety | Artful Balance

I used to get stumped, frozen like a deer in the headlights if I thought I had done something wrong.

"Wrong" meant something weird or off-putting to other people, almost any body at all. I couldn't endure thinking that anything I had said could be taken in an offending way, or that a belief I expressed was thought to be insensitive.

I even second-guessed how I said things.

"Is it okay that I went into that much detail?"

"Is it normal to explain this or mention that?"

Anxiety causes me to subjugate my impulse towards growth and intellectual interests beneath my cravings for security, acceptance, approval. Some times that craving can become indiscriminate.

Feeling scared and needing security are not bad problems. But it is a problem when, as in my case, the dangers are not as real, powerful, or eminent as they feel in my head. But the potential opportunity loss in terms of growth is tragic.

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Artful Balance © 2019

These are my personal writings curated from material produced during my structured daily writing times as well as spontaneous thoughts I manage to record. Through organizing and uploading them i hope to learn about who I am as a voice and writer and find ways to improve my writing skills. Though I feel drawn to more cerebral topics, I would like my writing to be an engaging emotional journey none the less.

Someday I hope I figure out a way to assemble my short works into something more coherent and with a more obvious purpose. But right now, these tidbits are the best I can do.