Stoicism and visualizing the end of a relationships | Artful Balance

In the face of hardship, stoicism recommends negative visualization as a coping mechanism, the practice of imagining the very worst that can happen to you and mentally preparing for that outcome, resolving how you would deal with it in-advanced.

When applying this cognitive tool to cherished relationships, conventional thinking says death is what will ultimately separate us. And the thinking conventionally goes that between lovers, the way we'll most likely part is by death.

But as an interdependent individualist and a stoic myself, I believe it is more likely that a breakdown of the relationship -- a break up, betrayal, conflict of interests, growing apart -- is more likely.

So how does a good stoic resolve this knowledge while avoiding becoming bitter knowing it?

For me, it's by also knowing:

- That I respect their unique, individual need and capacity for growth and their decision to take growth paths that might not involve me.

- That I believe people are doing their best in interpersonal relationships, even when their best hurts me and does not align with what I would want.

- And that often, people commit their worst, most unforgiving acts out of self-protection, a personal reason that ultimately has nothing to do with my adequacy as a lover.

A second positive side effect of stoic negative visualization is that you are supposed to come to realize that what most scares you is not so bad in reality as it feels in your head.