Undisciplined Parenting, Discipline and Love, and Self-Discipline | The Road Less Traveled

It is not that the comes of unself-disciplined children are lacking in parental discipline of a sort. These children are punished frequently and severely throughout their childhood – slapped, punched, kicked, beaten and whipped by their parents for even minor infractions. But this discipline is meaningless. Because it is undisciplined discipline.

If a child sees his parents day in and day out behaving with self-discipline, restraint, dignity, and a capacity to order their own lives, then the child will come to feel in the deepest fibers of his being that this is the way to live. 

When we love something it is of value to us, and when something is of value to us we spend tie with it, time enjoying it and time taking care of it. We give them our time. 

Good discipline requires time. When we have no time to give our children, or no time that we are willing to give, we don't even observe them closely enough to become aware of when their need for our disciplinary assistance is expressed subtly. ... [or] which form of discipline is the most appropriate to that particular problem.

In taking the time to observe and to think about their children's needs, loving parents will frequently agonize over the decisions to be made and will suffer along with their children. The children ... perceive it when their parents are willing to suffer with them, and ... they will learn also to suffer. This is the beginning of self-discipline.

Some basically unloving parents, in an attempt to cover up their lack of caring, make frequent professions of love to their children, repetitively and mechanistically telling them how much they are valued, but not devoting significant time of high quality to them 

This feeling of being valuable – "I am a valuable person" – is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline. Being valuable is a cornerstone of self-discipline because when one considers oneself valuable one will take care of oneself in all ways that are necessary.

If we feel ourselves valuable, then we will feel our time to be valuable, and if we feel our time to be valuable, then we will want to use it well. 

Dr. M. Scott Peck

The Road Less Traveled​

From section I, "Discipline," sub-section "The Sins of the Father"

This post is a migration of quotes originally uploaded to the homepage on March 11, 2019. The homepage has since been revamped.