The Nature of Production | Artful Balance

Experience trained me to think that if results weren't forthcoming, it was a sign of incompetence. Others did things with such ease and self-assurance; what was wrong with me?

There remember a time when things seemed to come easier. What happened?

Now I've moved to a different country, a mega-city, and the things that gave me a part in communities before are obsolete here.

And I've forgotten about the laborious hours I used to sow into projects and subjects I loved back before the word "income" meant anything to me.

Now, I have re-learned how to submerge myself into the process of whatever I'm doing. I just accept that I'm going to have to write 120 pages just to glean 12 pages of usable material from it.

Yes, 6 hours on a sunny days indoors bent over my notebooks scouring for coherent thoughts to stitch together sounds perfect.

It would be nice if I could produce an inspired piece on-demand each day, but that's not Pam; that's not how she works. If I want to make anything worth sharing, (and I do more than anything,) it's just a reality that it will take time for me.

This applies to everything as inconsequential as learning a new hobby to as life-changing building my worldview. Foundations must be laid, brick by brick, moment upon moment, choice upon choice.

A part of defeating self-doubt is accepting my creative process for what it is.

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Artful Balance © 2019

These are my personal writings curated from material produced during my structured daily writing times as well as spontaneous thoughts I manage to record. Through organizing and uploading them i hope to learn about who I am as a voice and writer and find ways to improve my writing skills. Though I feel drawn to more cerebral topics, I would like my writing to be an engaging emotional journey none the less.

Someday I hope I figure out a way to assemble my short works into something more coherent and with a more obvious purpose. But right now, these tidbits are the best I can do.